Fairy Tales Are Just That

How do we move on? How do we get through? How do we wake up everyday and live as if nothing is wrong? This is something I am struggling with. In the past few weeks that which has always been invincable to me, has fallen. I don't know how do deal with it. I don't know where to turn or what to do. I want to fix it all, I want to make everything better...yet I have no control over it. I am helpless. Do you know how this feels...helpless? I need to make everything o.k., but the truth is, nothing will ever be the same again. And yet everyday the sun continues to rise, work goes on, kids have to go to school, homework has to be done, meals made, laundry done...but how can this be when the world feels like it is crashing down all around. Doesn't the world understand that life as I know it is changing...why can't everything just come to a halt until we make this right? Why can't life pause until it's all better again....because it's never going to be the way it was. But why? It isn't time for my world to change. I'm not ready. I'm not prepared. I am learning that the world keeps turning, life still goes on...not the way I want it, but it still goes on. What am I supposed to do? How do I cope? Anger...believe me I'm there. Sadness...believe me I've been there and it isn't over yet. Faith..that's probably the hardest, but I'm trying. Facing the truth...don't want to, but have to. How do you deal when what is supposed to always be strong becomes weak? How do you deal when you cannot fix what is wrong? That is my job, has always been my job. I make things better, I work them out...so why has this power been taken away from me? Why can't everyone else see the pain. Is it just in me? I have a huge whole inside...I need something but what? I pray, I'm keeping my faith in God which isn't easy when it seems everything is falling apart. Who do I lean on, where do I turn. I know, I know...no one ever said life is easy....but no one ever said it is heartbreaking. There are so many different types of people in this world...weak, strong, poor, rich, faithful, faithless, selfish, selfless, givers and takers. There are those that do wrong their entire lives and never seem to 'pay' for their actions, and yet there are those who do right most of their lives and yet these are the ones that seem to pay. Why do bad things happen....why are there true monsters in the world? Why do we teach children fairy tales, why do we tell those learning about life that there are happily ever afters? Are we setting them up for pain? Are there ever fairy tales that come true? My world seems to be crumbling...but the world keeps spinning. The seconds tick by and become minutes which turn into hours and then drag on into days. How do we make our fairy tales end just like those in the books....happily ever after!

So It Goes

I've got so much on my mind and in my heart right now that it feels like I'm in the middle of whirlwind and can't catch my breath. I have been praying so hard, and not for what I want entirely....but actually for God to show me what he wants for me.

As you all know I have struggled with finding out who I really am. Who is "ME"? I have come to realize that there are so many emotions, trials, tribulations, blessings, and gifts that have been part of my life, that those things make up who I am. Who I have loved, who I have been loved by....who I have lost, and those who I have found. People will come and go throughout your life, some for what we may feel sorry to see go or happy that they have left. Those who you have prayed to come into your life and those that show up like a gift from heaven. My family is who I am, my friends are who I am, my love is who I am, my passion is who I am.

I get overwhelmed, who doesn't. I get down, who doesn't. I have sometimes thought that things could get worse..just to find out that they could. I have slowly realized how much time I have spent wasting away. Hours, Days, Months, Moments that you can never get back.

I have realized how much I really have, but also wondered about what I have lost. What might have, what was supposed to be, what altered life's path to bring me where I am today.

What I do know is that I am me, that there are those that cannot accept that, that there are those that want me to be something different, but whether I be someone who disappoints or makes others proud I am beginning to see is not possible. If someone loves you, they will love you no matter what, they will love your voice, they will believe you have lips like an angel, they will long for you when your not around, they will miss your smile and laugh, they will hold you when you need it and let go when your ready.

I know who I am, but being that person is very hard, help me learn how.

Celebration, mourning, random thoughts

May 9, 2010....Mother's Day, the day my son left for his first trip without me, the day of another shot at fundraising for Allie.....so much! So much on my mind. So much on my heart. I don't know what to do with all of it. I heard too many stories of lives being lost this weekend, that I just don't understand it. How do you celebrate through the grief, through the tragedy? Life goes on, time doesn't stop and I guess that is what is most tragic and beautiful about it all. Minutes go by and turn into hours, hours go by and turn into days, days into weeks and so on. Before we know it years have passed but we can still look back and remember loss as if it were yesterday. Is that a curse or is that a blessing?

The question that will never be answered...why? Why do some survive and some lose, why do some strive for greatness and some give up, why do some always seem to catch a 'break' and some always seem to just break? I don't understand. I know that I don't have to understand, but still I want to.

Not a Night Goes By

Not a night goes by I don't dream of wondering about the life that might have been.

I've had a lot on my mind the last few days, or actually should I say a lot of people on my mind. I have dreams at night and they are there. So vivid, so real, then I wake up. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to stay asleep for days and get to spend all those hours with them. These special visitors are some very important people in my life that are now gone. Some are at the forefront of my mind daily...Terry, my Papa, my Aunt Judy...some make random and wonderful appearances that make my mind remember them more and more daily. I miss Terry so much it doesn't seem real. I can still hear his laugh and see his face turn red as he's laughing. I can still see his boots, his smile. I can hear his voice aggravating someone or offering the kids a dollar to say shit. It's the strangest thing...I can see him, I can hear him, I can feel his presence...but I can't touch him or hug him or say I love you to him. And I think that is what bothers me the most is that I never did those things when I had the chance. Our family just isn't like that, but I so wish we they were. I miss him so much. Even though I wasn't a little girl anymore, I guess I always felt like I was protected. I knew all I had to do was tell him, and it would be taken care of (ask a certain boy named Brad). I used to go sit at the cemetary, I know morbib right...but you have no idea how peaceful it was. He, his dad (my uncle Jerry that was one of my favorite people when I was little, and my Papa Lee...my favorite man that has always been part of my life other than my daddy...are all resting right there together. That spot at that cemetary is the most peaceful, protected place I know. I miss that spot!

I miss kissing Papa's head and seeing him smile and tell granny that I liked him better. I see him in that chair, in that same spot in the living room everytime I walk in that house. That's his spot, that's him.

It's sort of strange to think about now, the day my Aunt Judy died. Terry was with us. I never dreamed on that horrifyingly tragic day that in a matter of months I would be mourning him along with the rest of my family. Judy died after a very strong courageous battle with breast cancer. It made her into the physical being of someone I had never seen, but brought out her inner being that was greater than anyone I've known. She faced her illness, her treatment, her fears, her fight, and in the end her death with more grace and dignity than most people show in their entire lives.

Remembering all of them brings memories flooding my mind, that brings people to my mind that I have mourned, but have seemed to get past their passing. And I don't think I want to. I want to remember these people, I want to remember the memories. Because of my childhood, teen years, and so on...the bad things, I have blocked out a lot of memories, a lot of pain. But I want to remember them, that's why I like to have these people visit me in my dreams, I want to remember them everyday. My granny Daughhetee whom lived to be 101 years old and had 4 of 5 boys precede her in death. My granny Foster and her hump, my grandpa Daughhetee and even though he seemed to never make the right choices, I know at one point in his life he really lived it, not just lived through it. Janetta and Mia...oh my, I do think about them often...with so many different emotions. Joy for knowing them, anger for loosing them, guilt for not being with them, sadness for not knowing what they would accomplish in life, and selfishness for not getting to know them as adults. My cousin Jeff, how different so so so many lives would be if he hadn't been taken at only 16 years of age.

There are many more in my life that I have lost, family and friends...as everyone has...but the pain. The pain doesn't seem fair to us, we tend to forget what these people themselves were going through. We don't know their pain, whether it have been physical, emotional, or mental. We don't consider that they are in no pain, some of them were taken before they could actually feel the pain of loss, the pain of a broken heart, the pain of this world. We question it, we ask why them, but is it for us to understand? No. Is it something that we are owed an explanation for? No, even though we may feel that way.

I was looking through some pictures and a lot of these people were captured at a certain moment in time for me to look at, remember, grieve, reminisce about, and love. Then just as quickly as they were here, they are gone...again. We must live our lives. We can't sit and dwell, right? Wrong, we can take these people with us everyday, everywhere...in our thoughts, in our memories, in our minds, and most importantly in our hearts.

Wish for Love

"I Hope the Days Come Easy and the Moments Pass Slow

and Each Road Leads You Where You Want to Go

If Your Faced with a Choice and You Have to Choose

I Hope You Choose the One That Means the Most to You.

And if One Door Opens to Another Door Closed

I Hope You Keep on Walking til You Find a Window.

If it's Cold Outside, Show the World the Warmth of Your Smile.

I Hope You Never Look Back but You Never Forget

All the Ones Who Loved You In the Place You Left.

I Hope You Always Forgive and You Never Forget

and You Help Somebody Every Chance You Get.

You Find God's Grace in Every Mistake

and Always Give More Than You Take

My Wish For You Is That This Life Becomes All That You Want It To

I Hope You Know Somebody Loves You"

Why do we teach little girls to believe in fairy tales? Why do we teach them that a 'knight in shining armour' will come rescue them? Why don't we teach our daughters that they don't have to have a man in their life to be happy, to save them. Yes, finding the man of your dreams, love of your life...is great and brings happiness to your life. But that shouldn't be your happiness. Your happiness is within yourself. Your happiness is knowing who you are and being proud of it all....successes, failures, faults, flaws, luck, good choices, bad mistakes, the whole bundle. Finding the 'right' person to share your life with is amazing, but it's not easy and it's definitely not a fairy tale. Sure maybe in the beginning...come on now let's be honest. In the first six months to a year of a relationship is the easiest...hear me...I said of a relationship, not the first year of marriage. When you are dating, you like each other, every little quirk is cute. When you truly fall in love with that person, you still like them, but maybe those little quirks aren't so cute anymore. When you fall in love, it's a feeling of unconditional devotion. It is NOT something that happens with EVERYONE you date. It has to be right!

We date in our lives to find that right person....we do not fall in love with every person we date. That is just crazy! We date to find the person that compliments our personality, dreams and desires. We do not feel this connection with every person we call our significant other.

Sometimes we make mistakes in whom we choose, and at some point that relationship fails, which it was probably destined to do from the beginning. Some of us, fortunately like myself and my husband, get a second chance.





My husband didn't ride in on a white horse, climb the tallest tower to reach me, or save me from a fire breathing dragon, but he did take my heart, and in return give me his. It amazes me that he can still sit here to this day and tell me what I was wearing the first night we met, he remembers the day he asked me out, the day we went out, the date of the night he asked me to marry him and tells me happy anniversary on that day every year (although he has a little help with that one). We are so lucky to have gotten a second chance at true love and happiness. Is life all wine and roses...no...and I don't believe anyone who tries to act as if their life is. Everyone has issues, everyone has tiffs, everyone has their troubles. It's the way you handled those things, the commitment and mutual love to stay with that person no matter what. If either of you run at the first roadblock, it's not love, it's not meant to be.













You know my husband told me on his birthday, again, that I was the best thing that has ever happened to him. I questioned this, but he reiterated the same thing. He contributes his turn around in life to me, he thanks me for love him, supporting him, encouraging him, and helping him set goals in life again, like going back to school. I know he loves me. And he knows that all those things are examples of my love for him.









Do we always agree on everything and get along ALL the time...do you know us...he's hard headed and I've got Foster/Daughhetee blood and the temper to go along with it! No we don't stroll through every single day perfectly, but the point is, at the end of the day...we are still together, still in love, and still devoted to each other and our marriage.





We should teach our daughters to find themselves, be themselves, strive for their dreams and then find their 'compliment' in life. Teach them that there is nothing that they cannot achieve. Then when the time is right for them they can choose whom they want to share their life with. The person who adds to their happiness, supports them, shares in their hopes and dreams; and will still be there through the rough times too.





We should teach our sons to respect women, all women. We should teach them, that someday they may be a daddy to a little girl, and when/if that day comes, how would they want a man to treat their baby girl. Respect her, love her, support her, be there for her, provide for her. Be the strong man that can be counted on. Don't ever treat a woman as a maid, a stepping stone, or an object. Teach our sons that all women have hearts, and most of them are not evil, rigid hearts; but quite opposite. Even if he falls in love with a strong woman, there are going to be times when she needs support, love, attention, or maybe just to fall apart. And that's OK, he needs to be there for her, love her. This respect for women should start from a very young age. Teach our sons to respect their mothers, their sisters, their female teachers, and friends. Teach them that woman are special, and when they find that one special woman for them...and their two hearts come together as one....they can make it through.












Let's teach the next generation that alone they can be strong, happy, successful individuals regardless of gender, and there are no limits to what they can achieve. But also teach them when they find that person whom will stand by them, whom they've given the time to go through the ups and downs with, and still have committed to make it work, then they have found it...then they are really in love. They have found the one whom can add to their happiness and to their life.












Really it's rare, it's not just easy to find that right person, it's not just the next John or Jane that they meet and date for a month or two. It's that person who will give of themselves wholly, put in whatever time, effort, and support to make it work. Be there through thick and thin, easy times and tough ones, and not give up...not run away....not walk out....but strive to bring themselves closer...to get through the storm. With two hearts that are right together, anything is possible, and it will be their forever love....

"There are places I remember

All my Life, Though some have changed.

Some forever, not for better

Some have gone, and some remain."

I know life has to change, I know the circle of life, I know people change. But have you ever really wondered why? Have you ever wondered why there are soooo many differences in life from decade to decade? Some are small...fashion, popular music, peoples attitudes toward different aspects of life. I know I cannot say for sure, but doesn't it seem that life was so much easier 20, 30, 40, 50 years ago? Yes, yes...that's easy for me to say because I didn't live in some of those times, but I can't seem to grasp the fact of how 'simple' things seem like they used to be. Sports for example..(have no idea why this is on my mind)-but when did it begin that team sports had to be 'fair' to everyone, and everyone made the team, everyone played the same amount of time? I don't remember it being that way when I was younger and would go to BRHS ballgames, if I'm wrong someone please correct me. I think that people should earn their spots, positions, etc....and it not be placed on what is politically correct. I think that is a big reason of why there is such a big feeling of entitlement among kids.

Ok off that soap box....next subject....when did it become alright for people to be down right mean and nasty, and that just be acceptable. Is it the age of cyberspace, is it the lack of church going families...and I don't mean let's get dressed up, go to church and then leave and act as if we we were never there. What is it? It seems to me that because of a keyboard, people feel they can 'say' or write anything and it is acceptable. How far does the first amendment of right to free speech go. I don't believe that was put into the Bill of Rights to serve as an 'out' for people to be down right nasty to each other.

I have had the unfortunate opportunity to deal with 'mean girls' (people) in my life, and I do try daily to understand their actions, but I just can't. Why would someone, anyone, not want another living person to be happy? What effect does it have on their lives? Why don't we encourage each other, instead of always trying to bring each other down, why don't we support each other, instead of making low cut comments on facebook or myspace? It's ridiculous for people in their 20's, 30's, 40's, 50's...etc. to do nothing but try to top or outdo or slam another living soul.

I'm not saying that I myself haven't done this because I'll admit that I have. Yes, I can say it is because of the Golden Rule...Do unto others as you would have do unto you, and I would be right. I don't think that I have ever instigated cyber warfare, but I do admit that I have punched back when it's been directed towards me. But still yet, it is all ridiculous. Hiding behind a keyboard to crush another living being's heart, soul, self esteem, relationships...is down right hideous. (Just for the record, I do think that topix.com should be shut down, and whomever created it should seek mental healthcare because they are not happy or well people) I do believe there are only certain kinds of people in this world that could initiate that sort of cruelty, and yes I believe it is those people that need help....but instead it ends up being the target of their cruelty that gets the pleasure of trying to cope. I know we've all heard, "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me"...bull larkey! Words hurt worse than anything and anyone whom will use the life they were given on this earth, the voice God gave them to communicate, and even those that take for granted the fact that their heart still beats...and uses all these things to try to bring hurt, unhappiness, etc to another person...needs to take a long hard look in the mirror.

Yes, I have hard feelings towards many people...some from my childhood, some from my teen years, some from recent times. I feel that I have been the target of this cruelty far too long, and I'm taking back my own life. If you know anything about my life story...you know of the 'biggie' in my life that changed me forever...childhood molestation. If you know me from what I consider not good times of life...my high school years, you can understand why. In these times it is cyberspace and technology like text messaging that people tend to use to harass, but in my teen years, it was words...lies...name calling. Have you ever had your house spray painted with the most hurtful things imaginable to a 15 year old girl?...I have, I've lived it. You have heard stories of teens, and young people committing suicide due to cyber/technology harassment...are you now beginning to understand depression and where it comes from.

Picture it (just call my Sophia, I love the Golden Girls)...seriously, after you read this scenario close your eyes and put yourself there....small town, small school made of 'lifers' and only a few newbies. You try to be a 'good kid', you try to be the one what your family wants. You have dreams of acting, modeling, etc and have always been told that you have what it takes to make it in these fields but you are not at the worst place to pursue those dreams. Moving on...you go to school everyday to be talked about, called names, told 'you just think your better than me' just because you have name brand clothes and care about your appearance. You don't drink, you don't do drugs, (which was the most popular thing to do in my school, hello my senior class song from 1996 was Dazed and Confused) You make straight A's, have been on leadership teams, in clubs, teachers like you, you care about your school work, but you are still a kid...you still want friends, you still need friends.

It's Halloween and there are two parties going on at the same time...one is a 16th birthday party for a classmate only a block from your house to which you are not invited due to the fact that 'guess what...you think your better than everyone else" then there is a bonfire party at the house of the 'cutest boy' you know at that time, and he has asked you to be there. It's more or less a couples thing...but like 10 or so 'couples', no alcohol, just a good time. You go to that bonfire, you have a great time, you are so happy and giddy as a 15 year old girl coming home by the time of your curfew, being brought home...(if I remember correctly by my now cousin due to marriage and her mother). As you pull up to your home, one of the men in your life, my cousin Terry Lee, who by the way would protect me from anything or anyone...(still don't know what him and Kenny Jones did 'that guy' to make him leave alone, but that's another story) comes outside with his then girlfriend Candy, takes me straight in the house and I have no idea what is going on. My mom is crying, cops are outside, people are everywhere, Terry is extremely...um...irate, my dad is outside with the police...and then I find out. Some girls came and spray painted under my bedroom window, on my house, and ALL OVER my dad's shed horrible things. Do you know what this does to a 15 year old girl, whom has tried and tried to be nice to people. It breaks her heart, it destroys her soul and her inner being. It kills her on the inside....and type of treatment went on for my entire high school life. Not the best memories!

I have lived so many places, I have had the opportunity to see different areas of the United States, meet and get to know many different types of people...some I will remember for the rest of my life, so I'm sure I don't remember at all, and some I would love to forget! Everyone changes, everything changes, nothing remains the same. How we deal with those changes says a lot about us. I used to deal with change very well, I had learned to adapt. Dealing with my childhood/teenage obstacles made me weak, not stronger...made me easily hurt, and there are people whom had fed off of this. I still up until last year had people sending me snide emails and comments about things that had happened to me, including my molestation and the story I wrote earlier in this post. It's ridiculous. Do we all have things in our past that carry hurt for us, do we all have things in our past that we wish we didn't, that we wish we could change. Yes!

The point is to learn from your mistakes and use it for better.

Shouldn't we all work together in this world. In this age of broken homes, child abuse, natural disasters, single parents (and let's get this straight right now what a single parent is. Yes there are parents whom are divorced, never married, etc that are on their own to raise their child(ren), but when the other parent is available, and tries to be a part of that child's life, I don't consider that fact that you are a single parent. You might be single as in...I don't have a boy/girlfriend, husband/wife, but unless the counterpart parent to your children is M.I.A. and has NOTHING to do with those children, and doesn't try to, etc...you are not a single parent...you are a single person with children, but those children have 2 parents.) again....trying to get off that soap box, but don't count on it...I'm just getting started LOL. When parents use their children to try to 'get back at' or hurt the other parent is disgusting. Kids need every big of love and support they can get, so trying to turn them against their other parent because of your own selfishness, insecurities, or just down right cruelty is despicable! Be a parent and let your kids have both parents, even if you don't live together. It's not the kids fault! Ok, think I'm done.

A Mother's Love

What makes a mother? It's not being pregnant, it's not giving birth, it's not just being called mom. There are many many characteristics of what a mother is...sitting up half the night caring for a sick baby, sitting up half the night worrying about your child out for the first time without you, sitting up half the night waiting to hear the car door shut in the driveway to know that a teenager is home safe. Loving a child, no matter their age or their attitude, putting your needs aside to make sure that your child has everything they may want or need. Knowing that your true happiness is that your child has all their heart's desires. That too me is what a mother really is. I have been on the giving and receiving end of all of these, I have felt this love as a daughter and as a mother.

It's not easy being a mom, it's not easy being my mom. These are things that I am well aware of, yet I know that no matter what, my mom has always and will always be here for me. We haven't had the smoothest relationship, but what mother and daughter does. I haven't always understood some of the decisions my mom has made, I haven't always agreed with her way of doing things, we haven't always 'liked' each other, and at times I know it's been hard to 'love' each other, but as sure as I am aware of those things, I am aware that LOVE has always been there. I have come to understand her and her decisions more and more as each day I continue my journey as a mother. I technically didn't make her a mother....I had a brother or sister whom never made it into this world, but having had a miscarriage myself, I know that she loved that child, even though she never saw their little face. That child made her a mother. I came next.

I became a mother in 1998 to an amazing 6lb 3 oz baby girl. She was perfect in every way. It wasn't the fairytale life that I had always imagined, but it was my miracle. I didn't get to have the joys or memories of having her father look at sonogram machines with me and watch her little body move around or hold my hand as we listened to her heartbeat for the first time. I didn't give birth with him standing beside me or get to look in his eyes as he saw our first born child. I do have all those memories, but they are between my mom and me. She and my dad were the ones there for me through that scary and exciting time in my life, and my mom was the only one with me during the birth of my first born child. They have always been there, and I know they always will.

It was not my decision to have those memories all to myself, and I don't know the reason that Allie's biological father made the decisions that he did. But I also know that it isn't up to me to know the answers or to have to explain his choices to her. I used to resent the fact that I went through all of that without her father, but have come to realize, I am much more blessed to have had my mom and dad. There are single mothers that go through that whole process completely alone....I, fortunately, didn't have to endure that additional pain. I do feel for Allie though. She is starting to miss those moments in her life that she never had. She is longing for memories and pictures with her 'father' that I can't give her, and questioning things that I can't answer. As any mother (or true father) knows, seeing your child hurt is THE most pain you will ever feel, especially when you can't kiss the boo-boo and make it go away.

All I can do is tell her the truth, "I don't know why, but I do know that it wasn't your fault. It was a decision that he made and a decision that he will have to live with and answer for someday." I have worried about these days to come and now that they are here, I know that my worrying did no good. They still came, I still don't have any answers for her, and I know that only more questions will come. So I have made the only decision that I know...I will encourage, support, and be here for her in whatever way she needs me.

I'm never going to have the answers she needs; I don't have the answers to the questions I once had, but I don't need them...she does. I don't have any feelings for him, I don't love him, I don't need or want him in my life....she does. I don't want to hold his hand, or hug him, or cry on his shoulder when I've had a bad day....she does. I don't want to feel like his world even if only for a moment in time...she does. I don't want to be able to run to him in order to feel safe when life gets overwhelming...it's my little girl that wants her daddy. It's not fair to her, but it's a reality that she is going to have to learn to live with...she doesn't have those little girl-daddy memories with him, and she never will. But I hope that she realizes that he doesn't have those memories either, and that is something that I would think a 'father' would think about daily, and I truly hope he does live everyday knowing what he's missed. She has let his mistakes in judgement and decisions start to affect her, and that is the last thing that I want. So as her mother, I have to give be the example to not let other's and their actions destroy you. I have to learn the art of forgiveness to teach her.

It's not her father I need to forgive, because sad to say I guess...I have nothing to forgive him for. As of September 12, 1998 he didn't do anything to me, he did it to her. If I have to forgive him for anything, it's what he has done to her...and I know that is something that I will have to figure out on my own. I have to learn to forgive in general. I have to learn to let go of the past in order to live the present and look forward to the future. I have to learn to forgive and let go of past hurt in order to make room for more love and happiness in the present. I have had this perspective of life thrown in front of my face so many times over the past couple of weeks that life is too short to spend it worrying about the past or who said what, who did what, who hurt who. I've seen just how suddenly life can change, how your world can fall apart.

My heart has broke for other mothers whom have lost or are loosing their children no matter how hard themselves or doctors fight to save them. I have learned that toys on the ground, or dishes in the sink aren't the end of the world, but hearing your child laugh can change your world. I've learned that having your child(ren) crawling all over you while your trying to fold laundry or read a book is much better than having a child so sick that you long for them to open their eyes long enough to smile at you or say "I love you mommy". That nothing can ever be as bad as watching your child leave this world before your very eyes or just get sicker despite the best medical care offered. Leaving the house till tomorrow to clean won't be the end of your world, but giving up a moment with your child could be.