"There are places I remember

All my Life, Though some have changed.

Some forever, not for better

Some have gone, and some remain."

I know life has to change, I know the circle of life, I know people change. But have you ever really wondered why? Have you ever wondered why there are soooo many differences in life from decade to decade? Some are small...fashion, popular music, peoples attitudes toward different aspects of life. I know I cannot say for sure, but doesn't it seem that life was so much easier 20, 30, 40, 50 years ago? Yes, yes...that's easy for me to say because I didn't live in some of those times, but I can't seem to grasp the fact of how 'simple' things seem like they used to be. Sports for example..(have no idea why this is on my mind)-but when did it begin that team sports had to be 'fair' to everyone, and everyone made the team, everyone played the same amount of time? I don't remember it being that way when I was younger and would go to BRHS ballgames, if I'm wrong someone please correct me. I think that people should earn their spots, positions, etc....and it not be placed on what is politically correct. I think that is a big reason of why there is such a big feeling of entitlement among kids.

Ok off that soap box....next subject....when did it become alright for people to be down right mean and nasty, and that just be acceptable. Is it the age of cyberspace, is it the lack of church going families...and I don't mean let's get dressed up, go to church and then leave and act as if we we were never there. What is it? It seems to me that because of a keyboard, people feel they can 'say' or write anything and it is acceptable. How far does the first amendment of right to free speech go. I don't believe that was put into the Bill of Rights to serve as an 'out' for people to be down right nasty to each other.

I have had the unfortunate opportunity to deal with 'mean girls' (people) in my life, and I do try daily to understand their actions, but I just can't. Why would someone, anyone, not want another living person to be happy? What effect does it have on their lives? Why don't we encourage each other, instead of always trying to bring each other down, why don't we support each other, instead of making low cut comments on facebook or myspace? It's ridiculous for people in their 20's, 30's, 40's, 50's...etc. to do nothing but try to top or outdo or slam another living soul.

I'm not saying that I myself haven't done this because I'll admit that I have. Yes, I can say it is because of the Golden Rule...Do unto others as you would have do unto you, and I would be right. I don't think that I have ever instigated cyber warfare, but I do admit that I have punched back when it's been directed towards me. But still yet, it is all ridiculous. Hiding behind a keyboard to crush another living being's heart, soul, self esteem, relationships...is down right hideous. (Just for the record, I do think that topix.com should be shut down, and whomever created it should seek mental healthcare because they are not happy or well people) I do believe there are only certain kinds of people in this world that could initiate that sort of cruelty, and yes I believe it is those people that need help....but instead it ends up being the target of their cruelty that gets the pleasure of trying to cope. I know we've all heard, "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me"...bull larkey! Words hurt worse than anything and anyone whom will use the life they were given on this earth, the voice God gave them to communicate, and even those that take for granted the fact that their heart still beats...and uses all these things to try to bring hurt, unhappiness, etc to another person...needs to take a long hard look in the mirror.

Yes, I have hard feelings towards many people...some from my childhood, some from my teen years, some from recent times. I feel that I have been the target of this cruelty far too long, and I'm taking back my own life. If you know anything about my life story...you know of the 'biggie' in my life that changed me forever...childhood molestation. If you know me from what I consider not good times of life...my high school years, you can understand why. In these times it is cyberspace and technology like text messaging that people tend to use to harass, but in my teen years, it was words...lies...name calling. Have you ever had your house spray painted with the most hurtful things imaginable to a 15 year old girl?...I have, I've lived it. You have heard stories of teens, and young people committing suicide due to cyber/technology harassment...are you now beginning to understand depression and where it comes from.

Picture it (just call my Sophia, I love the Golden Girls)...seriously, after you read this scenario close your eyes and put yourself there....small town, small school made of 'lifers' and only a few newbies. You try to be a 'good kid', you try to be the one what your family wants. You have dreams of acting, modeling, etc and have always been told that you have what it takes to make it in these fields but you are not at the worst place to pursue those dreams. Moving on...you go to school everyday to be talked about, called names, told 'you just think your better than me' just because you have name brand clothes and care about your appearance. You don't drink, you don't do drugs, (which was the most popular thing to do in my school, hello my senior class song from 1996 was Dazed and Confused) You make straight A's, have been on leadership teams, in clubs, teachers like you, you care about your school work, but you are still a kid...you still want friends, you still need friends.

It's Halloween and there are two parties going on at the same time...one is a 16th birthday party for a classmate only a block from your house to which you are not invited due to the fact that 'guess what...you think your better than everyone else" then there is a bonfire party at the house of the 'cutest boy' you know at that time, and he has asked you to be there. It's more or less a couples thing...but like 10 or so 'couples', no alcohol, just a good time. You go to that bonfire, you have a great time, you are so happy and giddy as a 15 year old girl coming home by the time of your curfew, being brought home...(if I remember correctly by my now cousin due to marriage and her mother). As you pull up to your home, one of the men in your life, my cousin Terry Lee, who by the way would protect me from anything or anyone...(still don't know what him and Kenny Jones did 'that guy' to make him leave alone, but that's another story) comes outside with his then girlfriend Candy, takes me straight in the house and I have no idea what is going on. My mom is crying, cops are outside, people are everywhere, Terry is extremely...um...irate, my dad is outside with the police...and then I find out. Some girls came and spray painted under my bedroom window, on my house, and ALL OVER my dad's shed horrible things. Do you know what this does to a 15 year old girl, whom has tried and tried to be nice to people. It breaks her heart, it destroys her soul and her inner being. It kills her on the inside....and type of treatment went on for my entire high school life. Not the best memories!

I have lived so many places, I have had the opportunity to see different areas of the United States, meet and get to know many different types of people...some I will remember for the rest of my life, so I'm sure I don't remember at all, and some I would love to forget! Everyone changes, everything changes, nothing remains the same. How we deal with those changes says a lot about us. I used to deal with change very well, I had learned to adapt. Dealing with my childhood/teenage obstacles made me weak, not stronger...made me easily hurt, and there are people whom had fed off of this. I still up until last year had people sending me snide emails and comments about things that had happened to me, including my molestation and the story I wrote earlier in this post. It's ridiculous. Do we all have things in our past that carry hurt for us, do we all have things in our past that we wish we didn't, that we wish we could change. Yes!

The point is to learn from your mistakes and use it for better.

Shouldn't we all work together in this world. In this age of broken homes, child abuse, natural disasters, single parents (and let's get this straight right now what a single parent is. Yes there are parents whom are divorced, never married, etc that are on their own to raise their child(ren), but when the other parent is available, and tries to be a part of that child's life, I don't consider that fact that you are a single parent. You might be single as in...I don't have a boy/girlfriend, husband/wife, but unless the counterpart parent to your children is M.I.A. and has NOTHING to do with those children, and doesn't try to, etc...you are not a single parent...you are a single person with children, but those children have 2 parents.) again....trying to get off that soap box, but don't count on it...I'm just getting started LOL. When parents use their children to try to 'get back at' or hurt the other parent is disgusting. Kids need every big of love and support they can get, so trying to turn them against their other parent because of your own selfishness, insecurities, or just down right cruelty is despicable! Be a parent and let your kids have both parents, even if you don't live together. It's not the kids fault! Ok, think I'm done.