So It Goes

I've got so much on my mind and in my heart right now that it feels like I'm in the middle of whirlwind and can't catch my breath. I have been praying so hard, and not for what I want entirely....but actually for God to show me what he wants for me.

As you all know I have struggled with finding out who I really am. Who is "ME"? I have come to realize that there are so many emotions, trials, tribulations, blessings, and gifts that have been part of my life, that those things make up who I am. Who I have loved, who I have been loved by....who I have lost, and those who I have found. People will come and go throughout your life, some for what we may feel sorry to see go or happy that they have left. Those who you have prayed to come into your life and those that show up like a gift from heaven. My family is who I am, my friends are who I am, my love is who I am, my passion is who I am.

I get overwhelmed, who doesn't. I get down, who doesn't. I have sometimes thought that things could get worse..just to find out that they could. I have slowly realized how much time I have spent wasting away. Hours, Days, Months, Moments that you can never get back.

I have realized how much I really have, but also wondered about what I have lost. What might have, what was supposed to be, what altered life's path to bring me where I am today.

What I do know is that I am me, that there are those that cannot accept that, that there are those that want me to be something different, but whether I be someone who disappoints or makes others proud I am beginning to see is not possible. If someone loves you, they will love you no matter what, they will love your voice, they will believe you have lips like an angel, they will long for you when your not around, they will miss your smile and laugh, they will hold you when you need it and let go when your ready.

I know who I am, but being that person is very hard, help me learn how.