Hard Days

I just don't know what to do or how to feel. Time to be honest. I'm not happy. I'm not where I feel I belong. I have always been destined for great, bigger, things, but don't know how I'm ever going to achieve them now. I love my kids, but it would be sooo hard to go back to school now, because I have to work. I'm so tired of tip toeing around everyone to make them feel special, when I don't feel that way myself. I'm tired of being the one that does for everyone else, but ends up getting crapped on in the end.

I've dealt with liars, home wreckers, selfish, two faced people and I'm at my wits end. The moodiness, the going from one way to the next in a matter of minutes is ridiculous. Having people lie about you to make you out to be the bad guy is sooo uncalled for. I have done nothing in this life, but try to help, fix, or take care of everyone else; but have I gotten any of that in return? No. My parents try but they don't know how to always help, it's either too much or they get upset and it's too little. As for my husband it's the same way all or nothing. I know that I am loved.

I also know that I am 33 and tired of feeling like an old woman. I want to live my life the way I want. I want others, as in those that have no business in my life to stay out of it. I realize that there are people that in a round about way have a place in my life, but some of them take it to the extreme. I have decided that I am going to write that book that so many have been trying to get me to write. I might end up single and enemy of the state number 1, but that is the way it has to be. I've had all the drama I can take.

Fact is....I love my husband, children, parents, Father, Son and the Holy Ghost. I love my step kids like they are my own, but I also feel that I have been used and by some of these people. Fact...My husbands ex wife has no place in my life. I am the biological mother of 3 of our five children and I am responsible for and have the say in what happens in their lives. The sooner that others respect my position the sooner things will get better.

I am not a bad evil person. I want what is best for my family and for myself. I was told this by someone 'that they didn't agree with decisions that I have made and that I need to walk a mile in someone else's shoes to know how they feel'. Well in all honesty, I have dealt with that other person's shoes for years now and know just how manipulative they are. I also know that no one has ever taken into consideration the journey in this life that I have had.

This book it going to upset, and tick off lots of people, but I have made up my mind that is the way it needs to be. I'm tired of being the one to get trampled on. Others that not only act like bitches, but I am convinced are card carrying members of this club, need to know the truth.

Again this is not only one sided, I realize there are two sides to every story, I also realize there is one truth. I want to make a difference in people's lives and I am going to do that one way or the other. Please pray for me to find the best way for me to do that.

For those of you that have for years tried to ruin my life, get ready for the truth, get ready for the great debate. I am sick of rumors, I am sick of drama. If you feel the need to lay the so called truth on, then be a man/woman and take it up with me. You think you know things that I do not,then feel free to email me or better yet call me and let's talk about it. No more of round and round drama, no more of when you get the urge-trying to cause problems in my life....bring it. You have something to say, you have something to take up with me...bring it. Don't be a coward, don't start threads under anonymous names on public trash websites, don't start crap on social networking sites....come to me. If I'm who you have the problem with come to me! I may end up alone, I may end up enemy of the state, but I will be happy with myself and I will stick up for my kids. This includes my step kids. I have decided to take back the power of my life. Like it or not, agree or not. Try to bring me down, and let's see how pathetic your lives really are. You have a legitimate reason to confront me...do it, like a real man or woman. Don't hide behind your keyboard, or fake name, or friends. But also be prepared, you want to come to me with what you think I've done wrong-be prepared to hear the truth. Because I really think that there are people running their mouths, hypocritically, that would love to throw stones, but are not themselves ready to face the truth.