Letting Go

Where to begin...it's been so long since I've posted.  Well let's see all I can say is that God has truly surprised me over the past few months.  Or should I say that LIFE has surprised me.  Lets just say that I am coming to grips with the life that I want, and the life that I have.  They are not meshing well.  I love my family, and am thankful for what relationships we have, but something is missing.  I have said goodbye to 3 wonderful girls in the past month...not goodbye forever, but goodbye for way to long.  Allie is in Arkansas with her dad until the end of July, and this weekend Jordan and our new adopted daughter Drew left to go back home after 3 wonderful weeks with us.  That is enough to put a damper on your day! 

I just know that there is so much more to this life, I just have to figure out how to find it.  I had dreams of what my life would be when I was a little girl, and it in no way resembles the life I have now.  That having been said, I am not saying that the life I have is not wonderful, because it is.  Is it perfect....I.N.  N.O.  W.A.Y.  and I am not going to pretend it is.  I am so sick of fairy tales, fake people, so called friends, and being let down. 

So much has happened in reference to my dad and his health, that I have a very hard time dealing with that valley!  How my mom does it, I have no idea...I'm not that strong.  But the problem there is that I used to be.  I used to be made of steel, but I guess over time a person CAN be torn down. 

I know I have to be the one to get to the top of the mountain, but right now it seems like a very long and lonely journey. 

Please pray for the right decisions.  I know that God is testing me right now, I know that HE has everything layed out exactly how it is supposed to be and I am fighting it.  I am very much aware of this, I am also very much aware of how hard it is for me to give up control.  I'm not good at letting go! 

I WANT everything to be perfect for everyone that I know, but I can't make it that way....and regardless of how much pressure I am putting on myself....I STILL WANT TO FIX EVERYTHING!

Have any ideas of how to achieve this........